Memories Were Meant to be Kept

...most of the time.

The Sunday school staffs of SHCI decided to go for an outing with their families after the communion week. They do deserved it because the feast day celebration was good. Now, what I'm about to say is not something to be proud of really, but it seems that my people have a knack of doing things at the very last minute and we actually do well at it! But hush! Don't tell them I say that :)

So anyway, we went to the Crocker Range Reserved something (I don't really know what it's called. Heh.) yesterday, after mass. I decided to bring one of my students (former, really, because they are now in a different class), Audrey who is also my niece. Well, everyone's related in Inobong, can't blame us for that. Elise will obviously be there since her mom is one of the staffs and I thought it's a good thing to let them, the two kids, have fun with each other, together with the other staffs' kids (who are also no strangers after all). Who said I don't care about them? Just because I'm stranded in Malacca for my studies doesn't mean I have to neglect my students, right?

You know what? I'd really love to blog about everything else that happened yesterday but then again, they are just too precious to actually blog about. Yeah, I'm stingy but hey, go figure. Yesterday was one of the happiest days in my life so far.

Why, you ask?

Think lar ~

*wink*

Oh, by the way, happy birthday to Jon2! Thanks for paying off my first sem! Hey, I got into the Dean's list so every cent was worth it...

Down, Down That Walk Again

There is no excuse for the lack of updates lately because I am at home and as everyone knows it, the connection is pretty damn good! The only possible excuses I can think of would be either I am too lazy to update at the moment or I am busy with Life, of which I'd gladly pick out the latter.

The current buzz? Jacko's dead. Who would have thought that the day will come? Well, of course there's the time for everyone but this early? I don't think the world was ready to part with the King of Pop...and do I actually care? Nah. Jacko doesn't know me, and I, him. It's just a pity that one of the world's icons has gone to rest and join the departed others.

Anyways, what have I been up to recently? What was it that got me so attached to real life that I temporarily forgot about my darling blog? I guess I got caught up too much in mourning my soon-to-come departure...yes, once again, I will allow myself to be eaten by that lifeless metal of a bird so that it carries me over the South China Sea, a trip I'm never looking forward to. Bummer. Who's ever so eager to leave home sweet home? (I was, in the first place...) I have successfully proven myself wrong. There!

I went to 818 restaurant in town last Monday for a dinner with my high school friends. Frankly, I miss them loads! Everyone looked so grown up now and I got to know two pairs of love birds - one of them being my very own cousin, Maya. As always, a picture is worth a thousand words so feast yourselves.

Going home was an extra boost of happiness :) I miss all my friends. How can I not be? I may be quite sociable but as I've always said, I'm my own irony. I love meeting new people and build my acquaintanceship circles up but in reality, I can live my entire life with just these few but cherished friends of mine. It is true what they say, nothing beats high school!

With loads of xoxo to my friends :) Love you lots and thanks for the wonderful time!

Fake Smiles and Lies

In the uttermost confession of yours truly, truly this blog serves as a darling mask I seem to never be able to take off. Of course, this is a family blog, as I say it and therefore, only certain pieces would be written down here. Don't blame me for that.

So I've been taking quizzes all over the Net and I keep getting Love-related results which ironically, seem a bit far-fetched. They do portray the reality of being me however but I realized lately that apart from my Victorian romancer self, there is still a part of me dreaming of dragons and elves. Sue Mr Disney for the failure to educate me as a typical princess-kind-of-girl who dreams of Prince Charming and a happily ever after with a snap of the fingers or a wave of the fairy Godmother's wand.

I dream of dragons and elves and drows and necromancers. Wizards and all. Angels and demons. Michael and Lucifer. I dream of myself in continuous dreams some people call insane. Crazy. I don't aim for the richer half of life but the simple, quiet yet happy life. I don't dream of adventures. I dream of family outings and fun. I don't dream of making it big. I dream of big hearts in the family. I dream differently and people say I'm cold, sarcastic - just the way I want them to.

So I'm in love. Yes. Deeply in love. It's obvious. Yes. Kinda dreamy. Yes. Kinda impossible. Yes. Certainly not a fairytale kind of romance. Yes.

But I need to write something! Anything! For goodness sake, let me! The feeling's just overwhelming and it's building up tension within me, fueling an already dormant tension...Love, love, love - a blessing, a curse, or both. I can't live without it but it's killing my spirit.

The worst part of it?

I love being in love with the man I'm currently in love with.....

There!

Period.

A confession.

A secret.

My own.

The hardest thing about life is that those simple things are really not so simple after all. It's much easier to live a rich life, do the things you want to do with all the cash and party hard.

It's the hardest to say, with the current life you're living, that you are perfectly content, satisfied and happy.

I'm human after all, just like everyone else.

Life could be better.

But I wouldn't dream of it any other way.

SHC Feast Day cum 1st Holy Communion 09

Mass celebration: Sacred Heart Church Inobong

Time: 6.00pm ++
Communicants' follow-up reception: ICCC Hall
Celebrant: Fr. Alex Sipanul :)

Friday 19th, 2009 - yesterday will be one of the many dates I'd remember in my life. I mean, why not? Three of my Sunday school students received their 1st Holy Communion last night, which is something I must say, I am very proud of. The downside of it was that I can't really get into the mood of singing with the choir because of my hoarse voice...of all the ministries serving the Church, I'm really fond of the music ministry (although somehow I seem to take a little interest in the Altar servers :p).

So, when I can't sing with the choir, I'm really grumpy...

I really love the sunset lighting yesterday eve but frankly, I was distracted, as usual :)

Two of the three students I taught last year, Elise and Sam. Audrey went home earlier...but I did get a photo of her receiving her Communion cert.

Well, at least those are the other highlights of the day. What was it that made me really happy? Go figure. Warmest congratulations to the communicants and their teachers :D God bless.

That Urge Again

I thirst for it...

I hunger for it...

I yearn for it to devour me completely...

Lately, my Muse began to put up a strike against me. It wasn't intended to keep her off from working but I just didn't have the right platform (I think...) - and now, she's on strike. If she preferred to hold her piece, it might be some help. Instead, she decided for the other way round...

Frankly I say, "I want to write! Something! Anything! Let me write!"

Well, yeah, who's stopping me?

...

.....

.......

Myself? Yeah, kind of. Time to open a new document.

Entry # 44

Urgh.

I hate my first days of menses. I feel weak in the knees, literally. Very.

Drats.

Celebrating Father's Day

It seems to me that it is becoming a habit to have the families gather at home. Since I came back from the WM, we had 3 so-called gatherings. Imagine last year! As I've mentioned earlier, I love having everyone around...

Last night's was for Father's Day and supposedly celebrating the birthday folks of June. This time, cousins Phil and Geoffrey came with their families. Mr & Mrs Uncle Denis came too. Preparing for it was a bit hard because we were babysitting Didun and Nyonnyon + I was sick, coughing a lot now and then. That wouldn't be very pleasing right...Luckily, my aunt's family came early so yeah, they helped around! Thanks!

In the end, everything went as planned (I think), with them reminiscing about their pasts as usual, watching muvees and laughing all night long...

But in truth, there's still something missing from it all... I don't know what it is but it sure made me vow to myself that I will keep having gatherings when I can till that "missing" part is found. Talking about missing, G couldn't come tonight again because he was busy doing his reports. I don't mind 'cause I know him well enough to sulk about it. I just kinda' wished I had the guts to fetch his dad so he could join us...

I miss you, you idiot! If only I can say that to his face it might make me feel much better...sometimes he's just so clueless when I really wish he would be there with all of us but then again, maybe he really does know me so well, too well that he actually knows the harder he plays around with me, the harder I fall for him...guess that's how his saying "I won't be there when you want me to be but only when you do need me" goes. Another lesson reminded. I need to keep asking myself, "Why him???" Drats...

...because I love the very air of having everyone around. I love my family!

And They Say Songs are Stories Sung

1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Have Fun!

IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY?
- Only so much oil in the ground (Stefanie Heinzmann) That's something I surely would say, kinda sarcastic but you get my point

HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
- My turn (Hoobastank's For (N)ever) Turn for what exactly?

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
- Forever (Milk Inc.) Now this one, I agree with. I want a "forever" with a guy *wink*

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
- Love lies bleeding (Basia) Love hurts huh? But I'm still alive with it :)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
- Outta here (Esmee Denters) Outta where?

WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?
- My one and only thrill (Melody Gardot) Guess I'm a bit random

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
- Stayed too long in this place (Barzin) Judging from the fact that I don't really spend much time with them...I think

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
- There's a new star up in heaven tonight (Chris de Burgh) :)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
- Horse with no name (Neil Young) Hahaha

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
- Sailing (Christopher Cross) Calm and collected on the seas of Life!

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
- The way you are (Zap Mama) As I should always be - and you too!

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
- Tears in heaven (Eric Clapton) One way ticket to heaven, please :)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
- One of us (Sylver) "Us"?

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
- All about you (Hoobastank) Aww ~

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
- La chitta digli occhi neri (Corde Oblique) ...

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST??
- Recreation (Zap Mama) Recreate what?

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
- Picking up pieces (Blue October) ...of my past...

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
- Me follow you (Van Velzen) wherever you will go :)

WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
- If I don't love you now (Stefanie Heizmann) I'll never know Life, right dear?

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIEND?
- Live her life (Milk Inc.) My friends have awesome lives! XD

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
- After the love has gone (Earth, Wind and Fire) ...which is like, urmm, never?

Small World

Since yours truly don't really read the newspapers, I've decided to educate myself on world issues online, as always. Somehow I tend to surf news websites for random readings lately. In fact, I do random web-hopping, blogs included. But I manage to fight the temptation of bookmarking every single page I seem to like at the mo.

What caught my attention of late is the infamous swine flu or as any typical human brain knows it for it's scientific abbreviation, H1N1 - which is now declared as the first pandemic of the 21st century, as according to Dr Chan. (Beat that! I actually read the news, doesn't matter if it's online or not.)

Now then, with the knowledge bestowed upon me, allow me to actually enlighten myself (and some of you folks perhaps) about the pandemic flu:

1. It's Swine Influenza actually, H1N1 is just one of the four virus subtypes of influenza type A (H1N1, H1N2, H3N2, H3N1).
2. Common cases are due to exposure to infected pigs, naturally, or from one person spreading it to others.
3. Symptoms include fever, lethargy, lack of appetite and coughing. Some people with swine flu also have reported runny nose, sore throat, nausea, vomiting and diarrhea.
4. When you're being too close with infected pigs, you might catch it. If you touch any infected stuffs and then touching your nose or mouth after, you might catch it. Eating pork won't give it to you, provided that you cook it first! (As any sane human would...)

Okay ~ I'm done with that. Some news for vain Facebook users (including moi), we will soon be able to have our own FB URLs! Now isn't that a bliss? Oh well ~ and what more? I got 3.82 for my first semester, which I think is really good, judging from the fact that I never *really studied* throughout the semester. Therefore, I'd like to thank my brothers for getting me "Ryan the laptop", the Celcom broadband so I won't die of boredom, my family for going on Skype with me EVERY week and G, for being there for me (through SMSes) almost everyday.

They keep me sane and my brain active, not rotting away.

Hah!

Of Two Rings and...Simplex??? (cont.)

The highlight of yesterday was cousin Diana's wedding reception:-

Date: June 6th 2009, SAT
Venue: Royal China Restaurant (above D'Junction)
Time: 7.00 PM ++

I was both eager and not-so-eager. Eager because there's more opportunity to snap some photos and not-so-eager because the deadline for the linear programming task is creeping in. In fact, I need to finish it today. I can certainly use a miracle right now.

Back to the wedding reception, it was simply AMAZING! Can I have one like it - pretty please with sugared cherry on top? Although the food was a bit disappointing since I wanted those cold longan desert... Beggars can't be choosers though so I was grateful that I had something to eat anyway. My name wasn't on the list in the first place because no one expected me to be home for the occasion - which is why next time I'm coming home, I'm going to make a big announcement that I AM coming home!
Lolx :)

I love the couple's entry where they turned off the lights and Chinese drums played as the bride and groom walked down the aisle hand in hand, a smoky entry literally. Camera flashes made it seemed even grander. Some photos to share:

Left to right: (1) Our family's table (2) The cake made by Melvin's aunt - it was beautiful with a small fountain of glasses in the middle (3) Cutting of cake by Diana & Chung Yong


(1) Cousin Diana - she just loves that "peace" sign! (2) Lydia (the Cousin) & Alex (the Maid of Honour)


Aunt Anna, Uncle David, Diana, Chung Yong, Mr & Mrs Ong, Alex as the MC for the toast

Of course, I wasn't the only one who was eager to capture moments at the reception :) Cousins Phil and Lydia were too!

Now then, excuse me while I force my brain to solve the linear programming question...I CAN really use a miracle now, thank you ~

Of Two Rings and...Simplex???

I went to my cousin, Diana's wedding today. It was a short celebration and there weren't many people, mainly because the groom hails from the Peninsular so most of his relatives are there and our relatives are mostly working today. But the two families (the Awangs and the Gumpodos) did gather, somehow. Ono was down flu due to his tonsillitis infection while Dion, Ujang and Atan are working. So I went to the wedding with Mom, Dad, Jijit and Nyonnyon. Oh, did I mention it was short because it was in English? And the new deacon Rayner wedded the couple. He's one funny guy for a priest-to-be, which is cool actually.

Since I'm in a hurry, let me show off just some pictures...(didn't get much because I recorded some parts of the wedding).

The nuptial got me thinking - will I be standing in their place someday? If yes, who will be standing by my side and holding my hand? Will he be the one?

Or perhaps, am I bound to take down the other part of life?

P/S: To whom it concerns, if you can only read this, you might understand that I am, in no way, fooling around and should you feel or think I am not the one, do tell me ASAP because it can really hurt - and I assure you, I don't like getting hurt by something or someone I believe in...

P/P/S: If you are reading this, do ignore it please dear ~

Of two rings and SIMPLEX! Woe oh woe! I'm willing to help my primary school teacher but Maths is totally out of my league...now should be the time where I ask him if he should help me, no? I don't know what I should do with this thing called Linear Programming! Little help, please??

Secrets: Fetish

The best thing about being at home is the amazing surfing I can do, which I usually spend on downloading stuffs like e-books, movies, song albums and games. A partion of the surfing also goes to visiting social networking sites ( Facebook, MySpace sometimes and MyYearbook). Facebook however, is my daily surfing ground.

I used to take quizzes on tickle.com but it's closed now so I hang out either at Quizilla or Facebook for quizzes. And one particular quiz made me laugh - What is Your Secret Fetish? Guess what I got?

Glasses-Fetish

And immediately, one name sprung to mind. I must admit, I am into guys with glasses - even if they don't wear them all the time. But actually, who am I kidding? You know who I'm talking about, don't you?

Ah, Love - look what you've done to me. If anyone can find a remedy for this, that someone must be something!

20 Questions

WARNING: This is a tag. And as my usual tagging trademark goes, "You're tagged if you think you are." As for my answers, enjoy knowing me a little bit more than you expected *wink*. Taken from DMCE Miera (her MySpace bulletin).

1) Single, Taken, or Crushing?
- I'm not officially dating anyone right now which means that I'm still single; but I am also taken and at the same time I am crushing on someone, which sums up to one man. the same man. Who said Love is nothing new? It's a new day for me everyday, as long as he and I breathe Life :)

2) Are you happy with where you are?
- I am literally happy being at home. I am also happy with where I am in Life. Hopefully things will get better 'cause they could be. Then again, I am content with how things are now though some minor improvements are most welcome and will be appreciated.

3) When you meet the right person, do you fall fast?
- Fast? I won't even know what hit me if he is the right person.

4) Have you ever had your heart broken?
- Perhaps...yes. Of course.

5) Do you believe that there are certain circumstances where cheating is ok?
- Cheating in games to pass a certain level or to survive a zombie invasion, yes. Cheating in real-life, dangerous situations to save your life or any beloved's, yes. Cheating when it comes to money matters, don't. Cheating on your partner? Don't even think of it. You will regret it.

6) Would you ever take someone back if they cheated on you?
- Depends on how they cheated on me. I can assure you a 99% no.

7) Have you talked about marriage with another person?
- I would love to get married someday (but a part of me don't) so yeah, I did. Even with Mom.

8) Do you want children?
- Someday, okay? :D

9) How many?
- Between 2 and 4. 1 would make us (potential husband and I) spoil the kid and any more than 4 would need us to be able to support them financially. If the price of living drops drastically, I won't mind but judging from the world's condition now...we're not any nearer to it, are we?

10) Would you consider adoption?
- If I'm the next Jolie or Madonna, Oprah or Gates, sure! If I'm not married, sure!

11) If somebody liked you right now, what do you think is a cool way to let you know?
- Just tell me.

12) Do you enjoy playing hard to get?
- I am kinda hard to get. When I'm not, I'm hard to please *wink*.

13) Be honest, do you play the "game" when you are dating?
- If I love someone, it's love. If I don't, I don't. No games.

14) Do you believe love at first sight exists?
- I do and some people are very, very lucky it happened to them.

15) Are you romantic?
- I sure love romance and I love the tradition of courting, plus the fact that it can be done by both men and women so yeah, I guess I am romantic.

16) Do you believe that you can change someone?
- I did a few times so far until someone changed me, for the better. I think I still can...

17) Do you have feelings for someone right now?
- Definitely. Always.

18) Have you ever wished you could've had someone but you couldn't?
- Yes. Him.

19) Have you ever broken a heart?
- Kindly refer to question which asked me whether I've had mine broken, thank you.

20)What would you say to your last ex?
- We're still friends tho' I've moved on. You should too. Save the friendship.

Secrets: Epiphany

WARNING: The following entry is rated "Very Personal Stuff - VPS" by the author. If you are not into this kind of entry, please withdraw and browse through the other "normal" entries on the blog. Thank you.

"Tread carefully when we speak of matters of the heart..."

The thing about blogging is, no matter how I find it as an excuse for a space to feed my writings on, it never feed me well enough. My life@flight is supposed to be family-friendly yet after a while, here I am again - the Muse dying to come out, emotions running wild and feelings overwhelming.

I am after all, an introvert carefully disguised under the many masks of an extrovert. When people look at me, they think that I am gifted with a brilliant mind lying in dormant, born into a life so easy-going, a socialite. They see me as very ambitious, with high dreams and hopes that might possibly come true - because that is how I tell them it is. I claim to be so open-minded, true but in reality I still cherished the old, traditional thoughts. I seem to be a very laid back kind of person. I speak so too.

I speak of my wish to travel, of a vow to embrace singleness when the time comes. I speak of cash and how much I want it all. I speak of a life so amazing where miracles happen to me almost all the time. I appear matured and strong, stubborn and hard to please, hard to get.

All those fancy stuffs and yet...

Does no one really sees what I feel for?

I am after all, an introvert carefully disguised under the many masks of an extrovert. And I wait for the hands that will uncover them, one by one till there is no more.

Will he be the one?