Have No Fear

It has been ages since I last update here. Long story short (because people would already know by now), I left campus due to the throbbing backaches I've been suffering from lately. Of course, there are some personal reasons which are, well, personal. So no dough on that.

I stayed for one more night in campus for the sake of my DMCE classmates. It appears that ever since I announced my leave in one public speaking class, which was initially scheduled after Raya, they have been so kind to collect RM10 from everyone, just to bid me a special farewell. Since we have entered the fasting season for my fellow Muslim friends, I joined them with buka puasa on August 24th. And Stol was dear enough to drive and buy us a set of KFC each :D

Well, long story shorter (lolx), I was sad that night since I won't be seeing my classmates again (anytime soon) and I must say, I love them above all the other students in campus! In general, really - no personal preferences referred. Seeing how it has always been too many words trying to elaborate about such an occasion, and how that people actually have short attention span when it comes to reading very long posts, a series of pictures should do the trick, no?

L-R: Farah, Lilo (class rep.) & Kela

L-R: Myra, Bel & Id

L-R: Mia, Mar & Ina

L-R: Mimi & Ain

L-R: Tilap, Gotam & Samak

L-R: Fizi, Anysz & Zainal

L-R: Stol, Dan (asst.class rep.), Kori & Afiff

L-R: Ben, Polan, Fir & Max

Well, as far as I am concerned, they are pretty much the class clowns, all of them - which make the study process easier because DMCE is one class (and kind of proud of it) that really rocks. Seriously. They just can't keep quite. I'm not very good with speeches but I can say this:

Thank you for the memories

I wish you all the very best for everything. I'm proud of you all and most of all, I'm glad I've come to know each and everyone of you :D (I might do another update on you all later on. Not now. Maybe later. Ciao!)

G.I.F.T. Camp

Guilty as charged for abandoning my blog - or am I? I guess I was just too busy contemplating on things most people might say is useless to think about at this stage of life - the stage of life where, how do you say it, girls just want to have fun? Oh well. It's not like you, my readers, don't know me...

I stayed in the city last weekend for the Gift Camp in Sacred Heart Canossian Convent, near DP. Here's a confession: I don't really know why but I was eager to sign up as the committee when Kath asked if I could join them. Knowing myself well, I wasn't that *kind* to children. I mean, I used to hate them, mind you. I often wondered how anyone can stand being around the noisy bunch. That was before. Not anymore now.

Okay ~ back to the event, I actually had fun esp. during the sing-along sessions. I love music and songs are the reason why I agree to follow my sister for prayer meetings on Fridays back home, although I'm not really into the whole pray-over thingy. It's just not my...field. And again, I feel pretty much alive with my own people. Of course, I don't mind mingling with all my WM friends but seriously, when you gather with your own people, it feels much more at home - and home is where I'll always want to be...

Let me simply summarize the camp for you:

July 31st, 2009
Friday
I left campus around at 10.00am, right after my IDA class and arrived in MC around 1.00pm. Kath was there at the same time, after sending her friend off so naturally, I followed her home. Rested at her house and headed off to the convent with Renna and See Ni around 4.30pm. They were going to help us as well with the sing-along. We arrived at the convent a little earlier than Harry and team. When I first saw the kids, I thought, "Oh my, what am I to do with all of them?" and "Why am I here again?"

Seeing how I am kind of fond with children lately (oh, I assure you, this has nothing to do with someone in particular), I was hoping that everything will go as planned. Of course, the first sing-along was a bit awkward but I got into the mood soon enough.

The best thing that happened tonight was the river cruise. I kept it cool but I was actually a bit excited, just like the children because, well, it's a river cruise and seeing all those lamp lights in the night was, shall I say, romantic. It was indeed. Bring your partner the next time you come down to Malacca and take the river cruise at night NOT during the day. Trust me. You'll get disappointed if you went for it in the daylight. Don't say I didn't warn you.

After all that, it was time for us to go back to the convent where the children watched "Monster House" before they were sent off to bed - which they didn't do because they were so noisy and wouldn't sleep until 2.00am the next morning! Sheesh! I wouldn't mind if they were babies... Kath and I had to sleep in the hall with them while their teachers, Gloria and (also) Kath slept in the other room. The sisters Clara and Lucy slept upstairs while Harry and his team went back. Well, Kath and I had to get up a few times and told them off for misbehaving, instead of sleeping when they should be.

August 1st, 2009
Saturday
The bell rang at 6.30am and off we were to St. Paul's hill around 7.00am+. Fresh morning air feels so good! And the moon's silhouette was red. So the day resumed with more sing-along after that, meal times, games and clearing up. We unexpectedly ended early. It was really fun actually, the camp. So we get to go home early :D which makes me happy 'cause I only had four hours of sleep and sooner or later, I might be grumpy, which is not good at all.

Today was also the first time I rode a motorcycle and frankly, I was a bit scared. Since Kath was with Harry, I followed TJ and seriously, I was scared. Dad never allowed us to ride a motorcycle and mom definitely won't allow it so yeah, imagine that. But to have the wind in your face was a bit fun...still it doesn't make me want to have a bike of my own someday.

As far as I'm concerned, the camp was fun despite of the rumours I heard among the children, which makes me uncomfortable. I mean, if they're doing that at their age, what are they going to do when they're my age?? Sheesh! Still, I'd like to thank Kath for bringing me to the camp and the sisters Clara and Lucy, teachers Gloria and Kath, Harry, Tj, Alec, Louisa and her sister Winnie for making the camp a fun event. And to TJ esp. for most of the photos when I was too busy with the sing-along :)

So here are some of the children I mostly spent my time with throughout the camp:

According to order: 1) Jessica - the cute one (2) Richard - the shy one (3) Angel - my dear helper and (4) Kerrick - the cute, active kid :D

Like You Do

WARNING: The following entry is personal. If you haven't read Live, Love, Whatever before it was privatized, than you definitely will be confused, esp. about Gabriel, Luc and Dean. And maybe about everything else down this paragraph here. My apologies but I still have my keys and it is unlikely that I will be throwing each and every one of them.

There are times when I am so depressed and I don't even know it. And it is at times as such that the colours fade away; once again I am but a person of Indifference, walking about in this small, small world. It is at times as such where I don't even know what I am feeling towards everyone, anyone for all that I care.

My dear blog makes a great example! Since my return to campus, I seemed to have lost the want to blog. Well, blogging is not what I want really...it is something that I need. It is a platform for something that satisfy both my want and my need - writing.

I need to write something. I need to let my heart speak and my mind argue. I need to free my soul from worldly chains. Recent dealings made me vulnerable once again. Suddenly everything seems dim. Suddenly everything seems distant. Suddenly it feels as if I can't reach a certain someone...it should hurt so much, right? But I'm not bleeding. It hurts yet I'm not bleeding...

The Muse is still on strike. She won't talk to me until I settle everything else so that she could breath again. She demands her space. Worst, Gabriel is not around. I must have done something so wrong that my Guardian couldn't bear being around me... Annoyingly enough, even Luc and Dean are not here. Now this, it really hurts. These three were, are and always will be my precious Guardians. If even Gabe isn't here...I'm speechless.

I was in Johor last weekend, for MJCC meeting. There and then, upon seeing my dear brothers and sisters in Christ, I feel so much alive. Refreshed. I must say, being around them brings out the joyous feeling inside me - as a Christian, a Catholic. It was a tiring journey to and fro but it didn't really bother me so much for me to tell myself I'm not going next time. I am. I want to.

When he called me last Sunday, I realized I was really depressed all this while. My 19th birthday was an eye-opener, in many ways. I know that I can't really change myself, at least not everything. I am still me. I still can't trust just about anyone except those I would feel an amazing chemistry with. Not the typical boy-girl chemistry but that of friendship. And I realized that one can love too much...as this is a family blog, I see no point for further elaboration.

For one thing that I am certainly certain of, I know...

...I am still madly, deeply in love and there's no way I can simply slap myself and say, "Nothing happened. Shut your eyes. Forget it. Let it be. Quit it. Stop. Leave. Just go."

It's too late for that now. I can't pretend it is nothing when I know very well what it is. I can't turn back and start over or simply move on, just with a snap of the fingers, no.

Gabe, I know you're reading this somewhere, wherever you are so...my dear Guardian, please, I need to hear you once more. I need your voice once more. I need you to tell me that everything will be alright.